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Stephanie Ives
Sep 273 min read

How Does It Remember?

“Jews have six senses. Touch, taste, sight, smell, hearing … memory…. for Jews memory is no less primary than the prick of a pin, or its silver glimmer, or the taste of the blood it pulls from the finger. The Jew is pricked by a pin and remembers other pins. It is only by tracing the pinprick back to other pinpricks – when his mother tried to fix his sleeve while his arm was still in it, when his grandfather’s fingers fell asleep from stroking his great-grandfather’s damp forehead, when Abraham tested the knife point to be sure Isaac would feel no pain – that the Jew is able to know why it hurts. When a Jew encounters a pin, he asks: What does it remember like?”

― Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated


In just over a week, we will mark the first anniversary of October 7th, a collective tragedy that continues to unfold with ongoing death, destruction, and displacement. This is not a “normal” first yahrzeit because it is an ongoing tragedy, but even a “normal” first yahrzeit tends to be confusing. It brings an end to Jewish mourning practices even as the pain of a mourner’s loss continues. Nonetheless, no matter how fresh the loss feels, we shift from mourning rituals to memory practice. In turn, we affirm our commitment to living a full life just as this week’s parashah commands, ubacharta bachayim. In transitions from mourning our loved ones to keeping their legacy alive, we take the first step, and then one step at a time, toward better days ahead. 


As the first yahrzeit of October 7th approaches, we are asking ourselves what October 7 “remembers like"? What do we want it to remember like? 


Our children will remember how we remember on this first yahrzeit, and it will undoubtedly be a formative component of their identity development as Jews.  The way they remember should propel them toward choosing life and living by the lessons that our collective memory instills. The way they remember should help them navigate the complexity of the Jewish condition- really the human condition-which is that we do not have complete control over what happens to us; but we always have the choice of how to remember what happens and what lessons to learn from what happens.


I do not want our children to internalize a collective memory of despair, helplessness, and devastation. Nor do I want their primary collective memory of October 7th to be one of strength, confidence, and triumph. Rather, I hope our children will remember the epic level of resilience this extreme trauma triggered. The best outcome I can think of for our children- all of them, American Jews, Israelis of all religions, and Gazans- is that they will remember with inspiration the unfathomable level of resilience they have witnessed and even experienced.  I pray that this remembering will move them to work for a more hopeful future.  Indeed, they must be hopeful in order to work for a better world.


It is an honor (one we wish we didn’t have) to help our children cultivate their extra sense, Jewish memory, as we approach the first yahrzeit of October 7th. It is also a gift to convey hopefulness to children during this time; it helps us as adults shift from mourning to memory-making. And it gives me hope to think of the next generation’s resilience during this period and the fact that they will soon be the ones in charge.  


Finally, I am deeply grateful to the teachers and administrators who have worked together over the past few weeks to develop our planned programming. This research, reflection, and lesson planning process has been deeply meaningful to me as the yahrzeit approaches.


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